I have tried to explain to my spouse that our current way of living is doomed and cannot last more than 10 years at most. There will be a pandemic, or massive flooding from global warming, or a terrorist attack with a nuclear device in a major city that will colapse our economy, or war with an Iran/Iraq state that is created after the United States leaves. My spouse does not want to listen to any of this. It does not help that my spouse is over weight, out of shape and getting worst every year. I feel trapped and fear for the safety of my two children. How will I be able to look them in the eye years from now and say I saw this coming but did nothing? I have made some extensive preps (food/water for 6 months, guns/ammo, wood stove, generator) and the only reason my spouse has gone along is our large disposable income. I now realize however that no matter how extensive my preps, they most likely wont help as I live in a major city. I also made the mistake of telling some friends, family and co-workers who I now realize will be the first ones at my door when TSHTF.
I am lucky enough to have an essential service job in an electrical utility and could very easily relocate to a more remote utility. I could downsize my oversized house and buy a smaller more energy efficent house (maybe even with alot of solar) with more land, a well and possibly even some livestock. My spouse however is firmly in the denial camp with the majority of the population and would not even consider such a move. What is wrong with our society? The entire family would lead healthier, less stressfull and more sustainable lives. I am on the edge of packing it in and moving to such a job and lifestyle without my spouse. I don’t want to be proven right and hope none of these things happen but hope is not a plan.
How can anyone have faith in our society after seeing what happened with Katrina? There was total break down within a week. If any of the events in the first paragraph occur it will make Katrina look like a cake walk. There could be a break down of biblical proportions that may go on for decades. I cant listen anymore to the mindless drones on my street, my friends and co-workers. They will never face the problems. They all say they have no time to exercise or make plans but they talk endlessly about the 4 hours of TV they watched the night before. Never before at any time in history has the population been softer and have less basic survival skills.
I feel like the clock is ticking and action must be taken soon. Is anyone else having the same problems? Does anyone have any solutions?
Concerned in TO;
We hear you. You are not alone in your experience and feelings. When the magnitude of the threat of such a really severe pandemic sinks in, almost everyone goes through an adjustment reaction. (Look it up and read about it. Peter Sandman, a risk communicator has written well about it.) It is normal. The way you are feeling now will pass as you continue to prepare, and then one day you will have a different perspective. You will realise you have done pretty much all you can do to protect your family, and that although some of these events are awful, they are SURVIVABLE. Yes, it won’t be easy and yes, it is not the way we would want things to be, but life will go on. Be one of the survivors. The world will need you and your strength.
As to your recalcitrant partner, it’s hard to say what finally will break through the denial. Try logic ( hey, you have fire insurance don’t you? So why not some preps just in case?), parental responsibility ( what do you need to do to protect your children who are most at risk?…well the first thing is to get educated about the risk. Is that asking too much?) Try different strategies but I’d caution about preaching. Use information from Osterholm, Webster, other authorities. Remember, you are just the messenger.
Good luck & don’t give up. Your kids need you both.
ConcernedInToronto --- Here are some links:
Adjustment Reactions: The Teachable Moment in Crisis Communication
ConcernedInToronto – at 20:47
Go on vacation. We all get bored. Break the routine. Help your spouse discover new hobbies. Have a new dream together. Match that with your future lifestyle, locale and destiny. Some thing good might come out of it.
Concerned in Toronto:
I am really with you on this. While my husband is fully on board (good Boy Scout that he is!), the rest of my close-knit family (mom/stepdad, aunt/uncle/grandparents) are all in denial. They believe the Bible and that horrible things are set to happen sometime soon, yet they turn their attention elsewhere every day. I am trying to prep for them, but husband and I are 20-yr-old newlyweds and one of us in college… so we don’t have the “large dispoable income” you speak of.
I’m likeiwse interested in anyone’s ideas on how to bring others around.
Would it do any good to take some Sunday drives to a suburb? Or is your wife loving life in the city? If you could move to a place that’s out of the city, maybe with some amenity that your wife appreciates…maybe you could have half of what you want. The trade-offs between work and prepping is really a problem. Good luck!
ConcernedInToronto – at 20:47 It may sound like we’re “making light” of your situation, but we’re not. You have some very serious issues — basic to life itself.
First, let me say that the people you’ve spoken to will probably NOT remember that you’re prepping and if they do, WHEN they do, it’ll probably be at a time when they would no longer be able try to find you, due to either weakness from being sick or the roads being closed, etc. I just don’t think that will be a huge issue.
You didn’t say how long you’ve been married or how old your kids are…….please keep in mind that you and your spouse have probably disagreed on other things in the past — equally as important, especially since you have kids, and you’ve managed to stay together so far….this should be no different.
You said: I feel trapped and fear…
Before worrying about your spouse’s issues of weight, lack of understanding of the issues, etc., I hope you’ll get a handle on your own issues first — if you don’t have a concrete foundation yourself, you can’t expect anyone else to stand beside you on shakey ground…..by that I mean that as head of the household, you can and should make some basic decisions about the direction you want to lead your family. If you make decisions that are easily justifiable, you shouldn’t run into a problem — afterall what’s your family going to do? Stop you?
You need to just do what the rest of us are doing and that is carry on with the burden and responsibility without the complete support of your family. I KNOW it’s hard, I’m doing it too for the most part.
It might be that your wife sees you bouncing between food, water, equipment, medicines, etc. and thinks you don’t have a focus.
Decide your goals, write them down, share them if you want — or not— then proceed to do the work as you’ve planned.
Don’t give up on your family. Stay with us here, read all you can, share what you feel your spouse might understand without trying to scare her & just continue to work in the right direction. Good luck and keep posting here….you’ll find help and answers.
Hey, I forgot to mention that if you have disposable income that’s really unencumbered, and you don’t already have one, buy a weekend home that you can bug out to. Make some simple choices like buying pre-boxed “year’s supply” food supplies & have a set put it at the second home as well as in your primary home basement, properly stored. Don’t involve the wife in having flour and chocolate and cooking oil, etc. to the extent that she’s having to do stuff she’s not interested in.
Make it easy on everybody concerned by buying anything that’s already put together — from your water filter to your first aid kit, to a whole house generator. Build the basics that way then fill in with the periphreal items to help add convenience items and luxury items to your supplies.
It’s fascinating to me how others thought it was a man writing. I read the post and thought the wife was writing! Either way, you sound very decisive and have made some admirable progress! I will honestly tell you what I picked up on. You seem to have some anger at your spouse for his/her weight and continued weight gain. Your spouse is probably gaining weight out of depression (anger turned inside)or unhappiness. While you’ve had a long marriage…I think…it sounds like there are other issues negatively impacting your marriage besides pandemic preparations.
“I am on the edge of packing it in and moving to such a job and lifestyle without my spouse.” Sounds like you guys might need some help. If there is some mud to be cleaned up a counselor can help you and then maybe the spouse would be more aggreable to preparing for the inevitable. I hope you consider this. You’ve got two children together, and if you left on your own where would the kids go? Could you live with yourself if the mother/father of your children died in a pandemic because you left? Big questions.
Post often, let us know how it goes.
Toronto: I also thought you were a wife writing about a husband. Interesting that in your post you give no clue either way…are you studying us???? LOL Anyway, I say buy a big RV and load it with all your provisions, ready and waiting. Also buy a piece of vacant rural land somewhere within an hour or two of the city you live in, but remote and isolated enough that you can feel safe. Make sure that land is near a natural watersource (lake, stream or river) where you can get potable water (or at least purifiable water) and as well be able to catch fresh fish. Practice your marksman skills for hunting, and include a hunting rifle or two in that collection of survival stuff, plus plenty of fishing poles, bait, lures, hooks etc. Now, what happens if the pandemic never arrives? You’ve got some great family vacations ahead, some bonding experiences…but in a comfortable RV for that less than survivalist spouse of yours. And if the pandemic comes, you grab the kids and spouse and head for your vacation land and don’t look back.
Concerned In Toronto – at 20:47 wrote:
“I have tried to explain to my spouse that our current way of living is doomed and cannot last more than 10 years at most. There will be a pandemic, or massive flooding from global warming, or a terrorist attack with a nuclear device in a major city that will colapse our economy, or war with an Iran/Iraq state that is created after the United States leaves. My spouse does not want to listen to any of this.”
I’ve been there done that. You’ve received some very good advice from the posters here. Find the advice appropriate to your situation. This is a learning situation for everyone. Anyone that communicates info to the contrary, should be listed in the DSM-IV-TR. Think out-of-the-box, and you’ll be ok and so will those you care about. A fellow Canuk.
DSM-IV-TR http://tinyurl.com/74efl
I hope you’ll speak to your spouse (of whatever gender) and say “I love you so much. I want us to get to a happier existance. I’m full of anxiety and worry and I know you are feeling overwhelmed too. Let’s brainstorm on what we can do to get both of us on a better road” — say it sincerely — and repeatedly. Be ready to really listen (maybe part of spousal overweight is feeling NOT VALUED) — if you’ve already done some prepping, you already have the skill to take a big job and break it down into do-able chunks.
I’m with you on the TV as sponger of life. We lived on a Pacific island for four years and had no TV at all. It’s amazing how much time there is when there isn’t a boob tube on. Perhaps the first step is to cancel the cable and downsize to just one TV — tell your family that you love them so much that you want valuable time with them. Having just one TV with no seating (so people have to sit on the floor) is amazing. You really have to want to watch the show to bother. It is no longer a crutch to avoid doing life’s challenges.
Exercise doesn’t have to be onerous either. Family bowling night? Family walk after dinner? I’m working hard on prepping — but also on holding my family dear and enjoying the hot water showers. Cultivating an attitude of graditude is helping MY anxiety. Good luck!
Concerned in Toronto, if you want to get couples’ counselling, you’ll have to find a therapist that can be clued in that we’ve been in a pandemic alert period for over a year, and govts are preparing for When pandemic breaks out…
If you can get a place to live/job you feel better about, I know you’re trying to give your kids a better future, so, good luck to you.
perhaps the first sign of pandemic you’ll load up the old 4X4 and drive off into the countryside sans wifey, shoot me but maybe you’ll become a new warlord with a bevy of babes… hmm how did you get your guns and ammo in Canada?
man am I gonna catch crap for that.. however a word to the wise
do or die
My guess is this happens to a lot of us. The spouse may even feel they need to bring in some balance: you’re obviously nuts, so I must refuse joining you.
Maybe we should listen, then think, before we speak. And speak with peaceful questions, not with angry answers.
Same as has been said.
Just guessing.
anon for now – at 09:30 are you referring to what goes on at home or what has been said here in this thread? I’m confused…..
I do remember someone else’s spouse “got it” when they sat down and calmly had them do the portion-math for food supplies around the house…
Partners do sometimes “compensate” or, polarize; the more one spends money, the more the other wants to not spend, one worries so much that the other feels they have to take the opposite point of view, for balance…
Major city, or near one, is enough to make any of us nervous pre-pandemic, and wonder what’s the best action to take (and, how?).
Just when I think my husband gets it….he doesn’t. He has humored me buying extras of the things we use regularly anyway, and some water and meds, especially for asthmatic daughter, but then I never know when he will turn and ridicule me. I thought the news about Americans living abroad in certain areas being cabled and told to have supplies for 3 months to SIP was big news, even moreso when it changed later on the website back to a couple of weeks. My husband rolled his eyes and said “that isn’t here, it is AMERICANS LIVING ABROAD. It is not here.” I replied, do you not get that once it goes easily H2H, bird flu is one quick plane ride away from anywhere in the world???
At least he no longer ridicules me in public. I told him that is a no-win situation…if bird flu never happens then he has put me out there as a lunatic and if it does happen then people know we have prepped and he could be putting us in danger! That silenced him.
Now when I see mainstream stories, I am sure to casually mention them and leave it at that. Maybe if he sees that real people in real places are preparing, he will come around. Meanwhile, I keep subtely prepping in my own quiet ways.
You can tell by my name how my spouse thinks about my prepping. (I think you are a man because of your job.) Most of us do not have spouses that support us. We just go along doing our thing and try to involve them as little as possible. One thing I have learned is not to ask his permission. If he says no, (like he did to an new electric start generator, that I can operate) then I cannot go ahead and buy it or it will cause more friction. Leaving you spouse is not an option you and your children will desperately need them WHEN it happens and the emotional turmoil you would cause to you children would be devestating.You could ask your spouse what particular foods, ect. they would want in case it happened. No matter what they want go ahead and buy a lot of it. It will make them feel accepted, instead of being on the outside looking into YOUR life. Think of ways your spouse could get you turned around if the shoe was on the other foot.
Ripleyrules, That is my spouses excuse, we believe the Bible is correct. Our difference is when it will happen. My husband believes we will not go through the tribulation period and I Believe we will go through at least the first 31/2 years. You might want to go to fullfilledprophecy.com for more information that you could share with them on other christian views.
I want to thank each and every one of you for your input here in fluwikie. Your intelligence, wit, knowhow and just plain old common sense has strengthen me and enabled me to prepare for dozens and helped everyone prepare for thousands. AND I HOPE FOR HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS BEFORE IT IS ALL OVER!!!!
ConcernedInToronto
My perspective is that I think people respond to threats and fears differently. I do believe that I am the better planner, the better visionary, the better organizer. My spouse will be the better fix-it guy, the better at solutions, the better inventer so when the pandemic actually does hit he will come to the forefront. The difference is that he does not ridicule me and I make decisions about what we need to do now.
In my dark thoughts I do know that when my anxiety is raised I need to do something like buy that gadget, the food or organize or just something that says I’m doing what I can. I do avoid engaging when I’m anxious because I then bring that into the discussion and it never accomplishes anything.
We can’t control all the disasters that could happen but when we approach it as a lifestyle to always be prepared to take care of our families we can I think reduce the focus on whatever disaster it may be and focus on becoming independent and secure.
I want to add one comment about the “overweight and gaining”. I’m a former overweight person but a few years ago I changed my lifestyle. I am just so happy my spouse never made it an issue. It’s hard for me to read how we in general think its okay to criticize someone’s weight or lack of exercise or too much TV as though their weakness was a flaw which was fair game for attack. I hope because I’m a former overweight person that I will always remember how being judged by others (friends, coworkers, extended family, neighbors, and people at the gym when I started) made me feel. It certainly didn’t help.
Prepping Gal – at 01:19 AMEN.
Concerned in TO;
Is this helping at all? I told you we know what you’re going through didn’t I?
What are you’re thoughts?
Gosh, I don’t want my comments on TV watching to be considered “fair game for attack” — but I do think it can be an insidious usurper of time and happiness. It’s just too easy to think “I’ll exercise after this show” or “balance the checkbook” or “write that letter” — and slowly the whole day or evening melts away. Now there is the added depression of having not gotten anything done. I strongly believe that there is a correlation between our growing obesity in the world and our time with electronics (sigh, now should log off computer and go for walk!).