This isn’t intended to be a permanent, heavily-populated thread, but I wanted to offer something in response to a question that was posed on another thread:
anonymous – at 09:38 It seems like a lot of people are in denial at first that their loved one might have been in contact with H5N1. What’s up with that?
The almost-universal stages of the grieving process are:
We will see this process in individuals when they lose family members and we will see this in groups (nations?) as they are affected by a pandemic. Some will pass quickly through one or more of the steps; others will “stall” at one step and may never move beyond it.
Others in the Social Services or Psychological fields may have more to say about this (and may say it better than I) but I wanted to put the information out there for those who may not have heard it before.
Just from personal experience with a death in the family… the stages may not come in that precise order, or some people may skip a step, or several steps can be going on at once. I know that I certainly did not conform to the stages.
BTW, I think there were some (many?) days when I felt all five stages in that one day, then went thru it all again on subsequent days.
Here’s some info to have on hand *just in case* you or a loved one may ever need it (God forbid). Compassionate Friends is an organization of parents who have lost children (of any age) to deal with the grieving process. There are no dues or fees and no religious affiliation, and there are local chapters all over the country. A person can attend one meeting or every meeting. This group has helped my daughter tremendously since her daughter died five years ago, all it is is other parents who have had a child die helping other parents cope with the loss of a child. My daughter says it’s the only place she can truly let her feelings be exposed and know that everyone else there knows exactly how she feels. http://www.compassionatefriends.org/
Yeah, that’s why I used the term “almost-universal.” Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ famous “Five Stages of Grief” are very-widely accepted … but we acknowledge that not every person experiences every step in the exact order given.
I’m a spiritual director who works with the dying and their families. The experience of grieving is complex and most of the people I work with move back and forth in the stages. There isn’t any kind of straightforward progression between the stages. This isn’t like a set of college courses.
ANYONE who wants a better understanding of grieving, or advise on helping someone else who’s grieving, should look through the online publications of Compassionate Friends at http://www.compassionatefriends.org/Brochures/brochures.shtml
And Dennis in Colorado, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross may have had some fancy titles after her name (?), and she may have written a book that is “very-widely accepted”, but I don’t think she ever personally experienced a loss or had a clear concept of what grieving really is. In short, while there may be some commonalities among grievers, EVERYONE grieves differently and at different rates.
Melanie is right, it’s not like a set of college courses.
Perhaps instead of thinking of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance as “stages” to be progressed through, it would be more helpful to think of them as “this is all the crap you’re going to be feeling for quite awhile, sometimes all at once, sometimes individually or in groups, and sometimes you just won’t be able to feel anything”.
Oh yeah, be sure you add fear (of yet another loved one dying, of your own mortality, etc etc) and guilt (because you couldn’t prevent the death, because you can’t stop the pain, because of the “if only’s” and “I should have’s”, etc) into the mix of *crap you’ll be feeling for quite awhile*.
dont forget ‘numb’ after you have been through the stages a few times….
Excellent point, Kim. I would expect to see many people feeling “guilty” if (just as an example) their neighbor and friend of 20 years dies during a pandemic. If only I had talked MORE about personal prepardedness. If only I had checked on her the day before. I should have given her a box of supplies…
I have sent the FLU WIKI to all of my family members….two acknowledged it and noone else did. I also sent it recently to my next door neighbor who I am close to and she has two children who I adore….that said, I am horrified that noone is listening….a relative of mine emailed me back with….”wow, I sure hope it doesnt hit the US.” Everyone that I have sent this to I had previously talked to them about BF….I figured if I sent the FW then maybe then they would listen…..The thought of loosing family members to this thing really bothers me especially when I have warned everyone….should I continue to warn…..I think everyone is tired of listening becauses nothing happened with Y2k and they all prepped for that…..
My next door neighbor still hasnt replied….I called to tell her that I was emailing her something really important…still no response…..very sad!!
The other issue is dealing with multiple losses. Two years ago, I lost my parents within 3 weeks of each other. It took a long time to deal with all of the emotional issues involved primarily because the deaths were unexpected and I had so many legal and financial issues that came first.
Yes, I agree with Luke. Numb seemed to be the operative word for me for nearly a year.
We were very fortunate that my parents prepped so well and even planned their own funerals. Dealing with the banks, CDs, money markets, insurance companies and properties would have been much, much harder without all the prep done by them.
The biggest hurdle we had to overcome was money. They lived in a small town and as soon as the obituary was published, the banks sealed their accounts. We were fortunate that my father put both my brother and myself on the safe deposit box. We could only remove the wills. Unfortunately, my father died before his will could be rewritten, so we had to probate both wills. This was a fairly straight forward process for us and took about 30 days.
We were also fortunate that my parents bought cemetary plots in the ‘80′s so even that was prepped for us.
I can’t imagine what it would have been like had they not done all they could to make sure their final bills were paid, and that we had access to all the information we needed.
I would strongly suggest that each of you make a will, get your financial papers in order, and appoint a legal guardian for your minor children - pandemic bird flu or not.
My husband and I made sure our adult children are signers on the box and know where the key is to the safe deposit box is so they can access the box and get to our wills. We also sent both of them a sealed envelope to be opened upon our deaths. The information in this envelope contains contact information for our life insurance, house, banks, etc. etc.
Keep prepping!
Houston 6-Pack
Houston 6-Pack,
What can I say? It is frustrating, depressing, discouraging, and even aggravating when you do everything you can to get others you care for to listen to your message about the possibility of H5N1 becomming pandemic.
My experience is that virtually all ignore the threat. Not only that, they ignore your attempt to communicate with them. Not so much as a peep from any of them. Not - “hey, thanks for the heads-up”, or “yes, I will check this out”, or “you are a whacknoid from left field.” No response - none, zip, nada.
Join the crowd - and get used to it. You are not alone.
SurferHouston 6-Pack?
That is exactly like it has been…. Except for 2 and you read thier responses!! So….glad all of my family is in Florida….because I am only prepping for my immediate family….I know that sounds harsh, but I warned them….I dont go on and on to close friends and neighbors, and I dont discuss all I have done to prep…..because in the end…it wont be pretty and its not fair to my children to go without so others can have when they have been warned and ignored it!!
The rant is over:)~~~~~~
Bluebonnet,
Get at least one of your adult children to be signatories on your checking account signature cards. That way they will have access to your accounts if anything happens to you.
Kim - Being a Kubler-Ross fan I’d like to share a little of her history with you. She faced death early as a child and then experienced a prolonged period of illness in later childhood. She was still a teenager when, in 1945, she worked in one of Hitlers concentration camps. This is where she really learned about dying. When she became a doctor, she felt so strongly about the need to recognize the care needs of the dying that she was actually fired from her hospital job. Her mission was to make the death process known to first caregivers then the public in a belief that understanding would lessen the isolation the dying received. She had her firsthand experience with death well before she earned her first initial. She was the first one to say that she was not writing a recipe of stages, but rather generalizing the experience of the many people whose side she stayed by during their dying. She did this to nurture humanistic care. Her lifes work has helped countless people.
Kim, thank you so much for the link to compassionate friends. I work with many women who have lost children. This information is very valuable to me. Thanks again.
I cannot remember how I first heard about Compassionate Friends, I think I read a news article about them sometime before my granddaughter died. After her death, I was terrified that my daughter would commit suicide or simply fall off the deep end because she was so distraught… then I remembered about Compassionate Friends, got the info about them from the Net, and talked my daughter into going. She attended meetings quite alot at first, then kind of quit going, but as the five-year anniversary of my granddaughter’s death drew near she has started going again. I cannot say enough good things about the people at Compassionate Friends (even though I’ve never met them) because they helped my daughter learn how to cope with her “new normal” life. And Compassionate Friends is not just for parents, it is also for siblings and grandparents.
Lisa in Southern Maine, I know nothing about Kubler-Ross, have never read her book, but if she was writing in generalities, then why do I always hear it spread as GOSPEL that there are these 5 distinct stages that a grieving person “graduates” through? THAT is what I object to, the idea of progressive stages, when it’s NOT. It is rather a whole bundle of feelings which are variously amplified, subdued and suppressed, which last for much longer (maybe a lifetime?) than people can imagine. At my granddaughter’s funeral, there were several older ladies (I’m talking 70′s, 80′s, one perhaps even older) who absolutely broke down and had to leave, explaing that they had had a child die many years ago and attending another child’s funeral was just more than they could bear. You may live with it, but it doesn’t ever go away, folks.
Kim,
I agree with everything you say. There are no stages, everyone grieves differently. In any case, when someone is grieving, the mere fact that another person can possibly think of them in those categorized and sanitized terms can be an aggravation in itself.
Yeah, I wish those sanitized “stages” would just go away. It REALLY makes you feel like a freak (and wonder if you’re really losing your mind) when you don’t pass through those infamous stages as everyone says you’re *supposed* to.
I was not going to do this but maybe better to share. I lost my first wife 28 years ago to a car accident. My son was 3 at the time and he was my strength. Seven years ago the Army sent my sons body back to me. Both hurt like hell, I don’t thimk I am really over his yet. But life goes on and you learn to deal with it. If this gets bad, we all will have to remember that the living need us more than those that are gone. Even if all of your loved ones are gone. reach out to the other living and help them they will need you and you will need them.
Kim - You hear her work spread as gospel because it had such a powerful effect on changing the way the dying are cared for and because many, many people are near totally literal in their thinking. This literal application of her beautiful work is minimizing, even insulting to such a great lady who just wanted us to understand commonalities of the experience so that we could be helpful and less afraid. People are still very afraid of the whole subject of dying, and they use her work in too rigid and literal a way to decrease their fear. We’ve all seen great books used this way… My aunt died at 82 of Alzheimers. The day before she died, she told her family that she wanted her first-born, who died in 1943 of strep throat at age one, buried with her. She was late-stage Alzheimers, and had been unable to communicate with any clarity for at least a year. But she still remembered that little baby, lost more than 60 years before. And yea, they got an exhumation order for the baby and he and my aunt are buried together.
not yea…meant yes.
Anon_451, so sorry to hear of your losses. I think we maybe get a little scar tissue over those wounds in our heart, but the injury is still there always. And you are SO right about it being healing to reach out and help others.
Lisa in Southern Maine, so it is not Kubler-Ross who had the warped ideas, it is the psychiatric profession which has twisted her ideas to fit in a neat little package? (What a surprise… NOT). It’s a shame that they continue to teach that twisted crap to students.
Anon-451 - a hug to you.
Kim - Yes. Her ideas were great. They helped to found Americas hospice movement. They’ve just been grossly formularized.
I recall when Kubler-Ross’s book came out that it was definitely a new idea to talk about the grieving process at the time. I think of family members before that, my mom and many of her sisters; all of them lost a child or experienced miscarriages. A few years ago I saw a note my mom’s sister had sent her when my baby sister was stillborn. The note was along the lines of, “well, this was probably the best thing for it to happen this way…”
Of course my aunt was wrong. Unfortunately, I think lots of people expected a “stiff upper lip” response, and to “get over it.” Grieving makes other people uncomfortable. They can’t fix things for you, and your sadness reminds them. It was not all that long ago that women were expected to have a miscarriage and just go on as if nothing had happened. While some women may indeed deal with it that way, many others grieve the child who will never be, the child they dreamed of.
There are probably wise sages over time who have recognized the need to grieve and the different feelings and emotions that accompany the experience. Dr. Kubler-Ross just put it into some understandable context at a time when Anericans especially had become almost entirely removed from death and dying. Quite a bit has changed since her book came on the scene: we’ve had talk shows like Donahue and Oprah and psychotherapy is no longer fringe treatment. That Kubler-Ross’s work has been remembered most for its Anger, Denial, etc etc has as much to do with the passage of time as anything. Also, if you ever saw the film “All That Jazz,” the good Doctor’s stages are repeated over and over as part of the plot device. Certainly not her fault.
author – at 23:44 — Grieving makes other people uncomfortable
After grieving, there’s life, and that “new” life also makes other people uncomfortable. Having grieved two husbands and two lovers, I found that not only people avoided me when I was aggrieved, but afterwards were unable to accept that my joy of living came back. One colleague who lost a daughter, is also in the same predicament. People who did not want to talk to her, did not dare to talk to her, in the months after her loss, now do not talk to her because they cannot understand how she can re-live again. Somehow, people seem to think that grief should be eternal, and grief is still more acceptable than “joy-after-grief”. They say they wish the aggrieved to get better and get over it, as fast as possible, giving “treatment” if the process to get better is slow, and when we do get better and start enjoying life again, they behave as if the aggrieved person did something wrong. They can’t either accept the “reborn-after-grief” person talking with smile and joy about the dead person. It disturbs the other people and we are made to understand that we should not talk about the dead.
Death is still a taboo. That is what I have seen in a modern country, with understanding/educated employers and colleagues. How come in this thread we speak only about the grieving process, but not about the after-grieving fulfilling and happy life? Widow(er)s getting happily remarried, bringing more children to life after having lost theirs, singles/divorcees remarrying with widow(er)s, orphaned being brought up in happy homes… In 1918, it wasn’t the talked thing, everything was brushed under the carpet, and stiff upper lip please. How will we behave with the many grieving and “after-grieving” people after the pandemic?
I don’t know how, FrenchieGirl.
More prep work, of every practical and emotional kind, should be being communicated as being necessary to start working on now, to the public, if authorities would shift gears. (Fight/flight/freeze/avoid/give up; are those gears around governments too, as well the the “stages” or perhaps “facets”, of grief? Too many things still need to be done before a pandemic is underway, that won’t be possible to do once it starts.
Another good grief resource for people with internet access is Grief Recovery Online http://groww.org/Branches/branch.htm
FrenchieGirl – at 05:42 How come in this thread we speak only about the grieving process, but not about the after-grieving fulfilling and happy life?
This thread was started simply as a public reply to a question posed in another thread: anonymous – at 09:38 It seems like a lot of people are in denial at first that their loved one might have been in contact with H5N1. What’s up with that?
My only purpose in mentioning Dr. Kubler-Ross’ work was to explain to that anonymous poster that denial occurs very often in many people who are working through a grievous situation. That many people are now “in denial” is not unexpected.
I did not intend for it to be a debate about Dr. Kubler-Ross’ work or her life or any of the other disputatious elements that have since been posted. It was, truly, simply an acknowledgment to the anonymous poster that denial is more than just a river in Egypt; it is part of our grieving process.
I fully understand that “thread drift” is an unavoidable phenomenon in any forum. Y’all go ahead and take this wherever you want. I have created chaos, hostility, and turmoil. My work here is done.
Dennis in Colorado – at 11:01
Sorry if I implied any criticism. It was unintentional. The thread you created is a good thread. Grief (and “after-grief”) is a subject that I feel should be discussed, or at least be read about, as we will get confronted with it. Thread drift: at some point, another subject worthy of interest might be to discuss/read about “distress of the caregiver when looking after a terminally sick loved one”… Another time maybe.
FrencieGirl, you are right. Burnout is going to be a problem after a few days or a few weeks or a few months. Many of us are preparing to “do it.” We may not be prepared to “keep on doing it.”
Emotional and Psychological Support page on the FluWiki. End of Life Issues page on the FluWiki.
how about SHOCK, last year my brother was married and exactly nine months later a daughter was born. and one month later my brother was killed in his truck which was driven by his son, and my brother died in my little brother’s arms in the middle of his front yard. it’s all still like not real. I think we are all stuck in depression, and I can’t quit crying and the other kids can’t either. His wife , well she’s almost lost it. the only good thing is she does have his daughter. so I don’t know if a death can ever be excepted. I know I haven’t gotten there yet. and my sisters and my little brother either. I guess maybe inn later years maybe the hurt will ease. I don’t know. I just live from day to day. and take my medicine and hope I never run out. but yes people can be wonderful and supportive.
I don’t even want to think about loosing any more of my sibilings , I just pray hard and prep like crazy. some how some way they gotta survive cause I couldn’t if they didn’t. love just hurts too much. especially when the one it’s for is gone.and no matter what they ain’t commin back. ever
I don’t know whether I am angry or depressed. Do the government’s plan to close border’s(esp. airtravel)? If they did…then I promise to vote them back in!! (I think I am about to grieve , however.)
I posted this yesterday…….Saturday on another thread:
I’ve mentioned before that I have cats not kids. My mother died last year & six days later my second eldest cat (16 years old) died and then just a couple of months ago my 22 year old cat had to be put to sleep. I took all 5 remaining into the vet for their annual well care last week, & took 3 back yesterday for dental cleaning & one to have a vaccination site lump removed. When we came home, one baby, our 9 year old, started drooling & breathing heavily.
We ended up at the emergency clinic & had to put him to sleep at 5:30am due to a condition we didn’t know he had but that the stress of the day must have aggrevated to a point where it was killing him-a nass in lung we didn’t know about, stress creating fluid around the lung, pulmonary effusion, same thing my 22 year old died from and, no, it’s not a contagious thing, just a thing that happens to older cats sort of.
I’m numb right now in shock, - I just can’t grasp that he’s gone even though I felt his passing with his little head in my hands-I’m numb but I can’t stop crying.
I say all that to say this: the things I went through last night & today, feelings, fears, doubts, decisions, were all compounded by the fact that I was repeating trauma I’d already gone through 3 times within a year.
If we find family members dying around us at a rate like I’ve experienced, or worse, some of us will go start raving mad if we don’t figure out a plan now to help us cope.
Nah- after you go numb a few time’s…it just doesn’t matter anymore. It just doesn’t matter, anymore. Sorry to be cruel, but you just get on with life…that’s what the numbing feeling does…allows you to go on. That’s why it’s called being callous(never tried spelling this word, so I don’t know if that’s right or wrong). (Sorry).
I have felt an emotion of true pity for Anna Nicole Smith. I always, like so many others thought she had not much upstairs and a magnificent physical body and face. Reading of her son, and his devotion to his mother and her feelings for him, made me very sympathetic to the woman. So many of these trashy magazines harp on all the negatives in the life of the people they follow and mistreat, but I think everyone feels pity when you lose a child you love. There seems to have been a genuine mother son relationship there. That is one woman who could use the compassionate friend network. So many people are losing loved ones in the war, but they are anonymous unless you know them. Look at the grieving that went on when Princess Di was killed in that crash. People were not only grieving for her, they were reliving their own sorrows.
Blue – at 13:21 Nah- after you go numb a few time’s…it just doesn’t matter anymore. It just doesn’t matter, anymore.
Blue, have you ever lost someone close to you after watching them suffer an agonizing death? Have you done it more than once?
I have, and I can tell you emphatically that it does matter. Very much. For the rest of your life. Life does go on, but you don’t forget. And you’re never really the same.
Edna Mode – at 16:04 Agree
Edna M-at 16:04- Yes, Some people don’t get treated right and flick the switch.(Obviously not the same thing’s here.) But, I shouldn’t have been so rude. I’m sorry. You never forget. You look at life differently and end up telling people where to go.
I’m-Workin’-On-It at 13:03
I say all that to say this: the things I went through last night & today, feelings, fears, doubts, decisions, were all compounded by the fact that I was repeating trauma I’d already gone through 3 times within a year.
I’m sorry for your pain and loss. And I agree that we need to learn basic coping mechanisms - and even then, it will be more than some people can bear.
Blue – at 13:21 your depth of understanding is, well……..not.
Thank you to those who understand — it’s not WHAT you love but how you love that means you’ll hurt so much. And when someone living with you, like my DH grieves differently than me, it can be a lonely feeling.
I’d already been feeling like everything was a struggle — like every thing I tried to do I was doing underwater — not natural at all for me. Heavy burden causing slow awkward movement. The problem is, I’m getting more and more ‘comfortable’ with the heaviness, the feeling of being underwater,
My brain knows that’s not good, but my emotions are less painful if I don’t fight and just stay underwater. I have to get my emotions & my brain back on the same track…..some other day.
When I had my last dog put to sleep, a woman who was in the waiting room who I didn’t know came up to me and hugged me. On the same day people who I hadn’t seen for ages and who stopped me in supermarkets and elsewhere, while not being told of the morning and the event, spontaneously hugged me and patted my back. I can only think I must have looked like I needed consoling, though both women said how good I was looking, and I was smiling and had not said anything, except to talk of the other persons concerns. We must appreciate all the warmth that we recieve from others, unbidden, unasked for.I’ve known people who went into depressions at the loss of a beloved animal. My husbands feeling for our dogs was even deeper than my own. When he was alive we had state funerals , memorials for our pets.They serve a purpose in animals as well as people. I know that dogs will try and comfort you if you are at all upset. I can remember feeling bad about something, and a pet would snuggle up under my arm, so that I had my arm around it, and simply sharing it, not knowing what it was made things feel better.Sort of a “there, there, things aren’t so bad, I’m here for you” action.
People in general are grieving the day that they will have to lose their freedom’s and prepare to stay in door’s for a couple of weeks(months) at a time. It also means a fair financial loss aswell, due to not working; increasing prices the more they wait; and potentially the cost of drug’s to fight a possible succumbing to the virus itself. Education is the key, to give people the tools to recognize the danger. Then they can accept that thing’s can be done.
FrenchieGirl, way back on July 29 @ 5:42 you said
. How come in this thread we speak only about the grieving process, but not about the after-grieving fulfilling and happy life? Widow(er)s getting happily remarried, bringing more children to life after having lost theirs, singles/divorcees remarrying with widow(er)s, orphaned being brought up in happy homes… <end>
I will never forget how shocked and GUILTY I felt the first time I laughed after losing my son. I really expected to be immune to happiness for the rest of my life.
I’ll also admit that I think after his death I became a harder person in some ways. I was never as cynical a few years ago as I am now.
Google “critical incident stress”
The signs and symptoms when dealing with pandemic fallout will more closely match those found in public safety who have dealt with critical incidents repeatedly.
Some of it will be cumulative stress.
pine ridge, yep, death of a child (grandchild in my case), and I suppose of ANY close family member does literally “knock the wind out of your sails”. Even though everyone considers me the proverbial “strong one” in our family, her death really did bring me to my knees (although I’ve tried not to show it). And like you, my attitude has changed quite a bit… more cynical, less patient with people who I consider to be frittering their lives away, just a lot of things that used to matter to me alot now don’t mean much. I’ve seen how quickly and unexpectedly a life on this earth can end, so I try not to let the mundane things of life bother me… or is it just that I really don’t care anymore (I ask myself that alot and try to convince myself that I DO still care).
bump
People suffer from loss in many ways. The death of a loved one is a particularly difficult thing to bare, but it is helpful to understand that significant grieving can occur with the loss of a spouse from divorce, loss of a job, moving, a newly diagnosed disease, empty nest - anything that causes extreme change in one’s life - even if the change is chosen. As already mentioned, experiencing all of the stages are not “necessary” in order to come to terms with the loss (each of us in our own way), but many people do experience them in some form or another, thus the list.
Knowing that there are somewhat universal phases to grief does not mean that one will clearly experience them as distinct and then completed. Very often they are cycled through, returning to similiar feelings that had been thought to be resolved. I have been told that it takes usually 5 years before one feels past the trauma. Personally that provided much peace for me as I was able to give myself permission to not have my loss “resolved” on anyone else’s terms (a really good thing because time does make a big difference-it gives space). Some people think of this grief process as a circle - as it seems there is much revisiting the same stages. What really helped me was to think of moving forward like along a slinky rather than on a circle - yes, revisiting many of the same feelings over and over, but each time just a little differently; just a little less frantic, crying for a shorter period each time; longer periods between when I would be overwhelmed.
It may be relevant to think of anticipating grieving in SIPing independent of the illness potentials. Kids will grieve for the loss of spending time with their friends; even being separated from a job that is not liked can be traumatic; even if the opportunity for the “time off” is appealing; withdrawls from not being able to commune with the office crew; not having the freedom of movement, or loss of the outdoors may be cause for serious emotional stress. These are things to prepare for too, and all the more difficult because they will evolve in ways we can not easily define beforehand.
LEG – at 03:37 very insightful post. I’ve been crying this AM over my cat a week later, and it’s painful just knowing how much more grieving lies ahead of me, but he (and the other 2 cats we had to put to sleep recently are certainly worth the grief because of the love we shared). I hurt like hell over the unfairness of their passing and know that others who have lost loved ones-human or otherwise - hurt the same way.
I always knew that people could grieve over other types of losses, but you know your last couple of sentences made me aware that my husband could experience grieving his work experience if we SIP. He’s sooooo tied into who he ‘IS’ being defined by what he ‘DOES’ that he can’t really separate the two things. So if he’s caught not ‘doing’ what he does every day, he may suffer from that in addition to our other losses we’re experiencing now.
Something good to be evermindful of for sure. Thanks for the reminder.
After many years of homecare (we promised her she’d never have to go into a nursing home), my mother succumbed to alzheimers. We were a multi-generational household, and all were affected. Within 6 months of her death, my daughter developed serious mental illness (later diagnosed as severe schizophrenia). I mourn every day. We have no idea how to deal with my daughter should a pandemic occur. None. And not for lack of trying.
I’m-workin’-on-it – at 09:44: Yesterday I discovered lumps on my beloved cat (she killed a mouse this morning-good girl!) Years ago I wept for days over the loss of the finest dog I ever knew - still brings tears just to think of her.
Grief. There’s no end to it. It is for us to continue.
We have to wake up each morning and find a reason for living and find enjoyment in even the most ordinary things. Depression comes after loss of anything, a job, a love affair, and most certainly and disastrously for us after losing the people we care about and love as well as the animals who share our lives and enrich it.How I cope would not be how someone else copes, but with so many self help books, support groups there are methods to move beyond grief Personal adjustments in each situation. I make sure I have beneficial meaningful small interchanges each day to move forward. I have read that the reason we sleep is to dream. I always thought it was, as Shakespeare put it “To knit the ravelled sleeve of care.” Perhaps its both. So we put one foot in front of the other, find precious moments that mean something, look for what is joyful and live our lives to the fullest.
Diana. My best to all of you who are grieving.
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