Forum: Humor Such

We were watching Psych last night….the 2 main character guys were at a comic book convention & in the lobby of this place there was a bowl of what looked like Cheetos or something (same thing as having peanuts in a bowl at a public bar) and one of the guys walked up and started grazing from the bowl & the other made a comment similar to, “Are you crazy? That could stuff could have Bird Flu on it!”

Humor too close to the truth, but that’s Hollywood’s take on it at this point I guess; poke fun at what you don’t understand.

I’m-workin’-on-it; Yep, and that’s one reason no one takes it seriously. Its joke material right now. Good for a quick laugh. Haw! Bird Flew! Haw!

That attitude WILL change.

I think this was posted by Heather. I may not be exact.

Q. What sickness do song birds get?

A. Chirpies

(pause)

A. It’s a canarial disease.

(pause)

A. It’s untweetable.

I find humor lowers your ppf.

When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, “Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.

Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things.”

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed.

Aren’t older women great. They really know how to solve your mid-life crises….

Hot flashes help us think in “get even” ways.

An oldie but a goodie! And NO, I won’t tell you which one(s) of these apply to me! Enjoy!

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A SURVIVALIST IF….

• You can’t put your groceries in the trunk of the car because its already jammed full with emergency kits, first aid supplies, and fully-stocked BOBs.
• You have emergency rations for your pets, and view your pets as potential emergency rations.
• You know the news three days before it hits the mass media.
• You have back-up plans for your back-up plans.
• You’re convinced you’ve been exposed to so many chemtrails, you consider it a form of birth control.
• You’ve ever repressed the urge to bleat “BAAAAAAAAAA” as your neighbor earnestly asks, “What war? Where?”
• You’ve ever bought antibiotics for human use through a vet, or grains for human consumption through a feed store.
• You’ve got more than one grain mill.
• You’ve ever wondered how you might filter the used water from your washing machine to make it fit for human consumption.
• You have a kerosene lamp in every room
• Your living room coffee table is actually a board with pretty cloth over it to disguise your food storage underneath.
• Your box springs are Rubber Maid containers filled with rice and beans.
• You save dryer lint to make fire starters.
• Your most commonly-used fuel additive is ‘Stabil’, instead of ‘Gumout’.
• You automatically choose the heavy duty flatbed cart upon entering Sam’s or Costco.
• If you know the shelf life of tuna fish, but don’t know how long you’ve had an open jar of mayo in the frig.
• Your basement walls are insulated with crates of toilet paper, from floor to ceiling, all the way around.
• While other people are saving money for new furniture, or vacations, you are desperately saving to get solar panels put on your house.
• You were excited beyond all reason when they came out with cheddar cheese in a can.
• You’ve ever served MREs at a dinner party.
• You can engage in a spirited debate on chemical vs. sawdust toilets for hours on end.
• You’ve ever considered digging an escape tunnel from your basement to the nearest stand of trees.
• You know how to use a vacuum cleaner in reverse to filter air in your designated bio-chem attack safe room.
• You’ve ever considered buying an above-ground pool for water storage purposes.
• You know what things like ‘TSHTF’, ‘BOB’ and ‘TEOTWAWKI’ mean.
• You have different grades of BOB’s.
• You know the names, family histories, locations, and degree of readiness of over a thousand fellow doomers on the net…. but you’ve never met your neighbors.
• The best radio in the house is a wind-up.
• You have better items in storage than you use everyday.
• When the SHTF, you would eat better than you eat now.
• Your significant other gave you a sleeping bag rated −15 degrees for Christmas…. and you were moved beyond words.
• You’ve sewn a secret mini-BOBs into the bottom of your children’s school backpacks.
• Local food pantries have come to depend on donations from your larder when you rotate stock in the spring and fall.
• You’re still using up your Y2K supplies.
• You have enough army surplus equipment to open a store.
• The local army surplus store owner knows you by your first name.
• You fill up when your gas tank is 3/4 full.
• You call Rubber Maid for wholesale prices.
• You have several cases of baby wipes and your kids are all grown.
• Bert from ‘Tremors’ is your favorite movie character.
• You carry a pocket survival kit, a sturdy folding knife, a SureFire flashlight and a small concealed handgun on you to church every Sunday.
• You start panicking when you are down to 50 rolls of toilet paper.
• You keep a small notebook to write down any edible plants you happen to see along the road.
• You shop yard sales, store sales, and markdown racks for barter goods for ATSHTF.
• You own a hand-operated clothes washer and a non-electric carpet sweeper.
• You have at least two of every size of Dutch oven (the ones with the legs on the bottom), and 20 bags of charcoal, although you have a gas grill.
• You have rain barrels at each corner of your house, although you have a city water hookup, and a Big Berkey to purify the water.
• You have sapphire lights, survival whistle, and a Swiss Army knife on every family member’s keychain.
• The people in line at Costco’s ask you if you run a store or restaurant.
• You require a shovel to rotate all your preps properly.
• You no longer go the doctor’s because you can either fix it yourself, make it at home, or know and understand the physicians desk reference better than he does, and can get the goods at the vets or pet store for MUCH less moolah anyway.
• You know that a ‘GPS’ has nothing to do with the economy.
• You track your preps on a computer spreadsheet for easy reordering, but have hardcopies in a 3-ring binder ‘just in case’.
• You’ve thought about where the hordes can be stopped before entering town.
• You start evaluating people according to ‘skill sets’.
• You view the nearest conservation area as a potential grocery store if TSHTF.
• You know “all” the ways out the building where you work.
• You have enough pasta stockpiled in your basement to carbo-load all the runners in the New York marathon.
• You know that you have 36 gallons of extra drinking water in the hot water tank and your 2 toilet tanks.
• You know which bugs are edible.
• You have a hand pump on your well.
• You have #10 cans of ‘stuff’ that the labels fell off of, but you won’t throw it out or open it because it ‘may be needed later’, even though you haven’t a clue as to the contents.
• You know where the best defensive positions and lines of fire are on your property.
• You’ve made a range card for your neighborhood.
• Your toenail clipper is a K-BAR.
• The Ranger Handbook is your favorite ‘self help’ book.
• You’ve numbered the deer romping in the yard by their order of consumption.
• You must move 50 cases of food for the plumber to get to that leaky pipe, but you have your own hand truck in the basement to do it.
• You own more pairs of hiking boots than casual and dress shoes combined.
• You have more 55 gal blue water drums than family members.
• Your UPS system has more than 6 Deep cycle batteries.
• You have a backup generator for your backup generator, which is a backup for your solar system.
• You go to McDonalds and ask for one order of fries with 25 packs of ketchup and mustard.
• You have ever given SPAM as a serious gift.
• You’ve had your eye out for a good deal for a stainless steel handgun to conceal in the bottom of the magazine rack next to the toilet.
• You are single male over 40, but you still have an emergency childbirth kit, just in case you have to deal with that possibility.
• You have two water heaters installed in your basement, but one is a dummy that’s been converted to hideaway safe.
• You’ve made bug out cargo packs for your dogs.
• You have a walking stick with all sorts of gadgets hidden inside.
• Your koi pond is stocked with catfish.
• As a stand-in scoutmaster, you taught your son’s troop to set mantraps and punji pits, and haven’t been asked to stand in since.
• You’re on your fifth vacuum sealer, but you keep at least one of the worn out ones because you can still seal up plastic bags with it.
• You haven’t bought dried fruit in years, but you buy fresh bananas, apples, peaches and pears by the case and have three dehydrators.
• Your UPS man hates you because of all the cases of ammo he’s had to lug from his truck to your front door.
• You have duplicates of all your electronics gear, solar panels and generator parts in your EMP-shielded fallout shelter.
• You have set aside space for your live chickens in the fallout shelter.
• When the power goes out in your neighborhood, all the neighbor’s kids come over to your place to watch TV on generator power.
• You must open the door to your pantry “very” carefully for fear of a canned goods avalanche.
• You have a ‘Volcano’, you know you can cook anything, and you cast evil glances at your neighbor’s annoying, yappy poodle, muttering “your day will come, hotdog” under your breath.
• You’ve learned to knap flint, make twine from plant fibers for snares and use an atl-atl, because you fear that all of your preps and hard work will be confiscated by FEMA troops or destroyed by earthquakes, tsunamis, nuclear blasts, ravening hordes of feral sheeple or reptiloids from ‘Planet X’ ATSHTF.

Bluebonnet - laughed until I cried. And then I sent this to everyone I know. Thanks.

That was so funny Bluebonnet, I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time. Thanks!

Bluebonnet – at 15:12

LOL, but the funniest thing is you’ve given me a couple of good ideas.

Bluebonnet I just had an aha moment when I went to use my favorites website list.

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A SURVIVALIST IF…

The Flu Wiki 2 Forum is the top item on your favorites list followed by Flu Wiki - Consequences - 24 Hrs List Honeyville Grain Emergency Essentials Mountain Brook Foods Prudent Food Storage FAQ prep and storage booklet

Hey, I learned something…fire starter out of dryer lint…brilliant!!!

I know this defines me as a newbie…but I am excited! Just starting to work on energy aspect of prepping.

Now what the heck is a Volcano, gotta Google that right away!

Waste MREs on dinner guests?! ROFLMAO

 What PPF!

KRK, JKLOUFG !!! or HAWWS ?!?

Sometimes we all need a good laugh! I’m glad ya’ll enjoyed it.

I read it and went “hmmm BOB cargo packs for weinie dogs?” NAHHHH - they are height challenged, fat and lazy - never work!

Bluebonnet, I can relate to way too many of these, not that I actually have them, but they’re on my ‘wish list’! :-)

No Name “Hey, I learned something…fire starter out of dryer lint…brilliant!!! “

And you save your toilet paper & papeer towel rolls to stuff the lint in! I actually don’t save the lint……yet….but my garbage bag full of paper roll cores is behind the solid front fireplace screen all year long until we have to move it to start fires, then they’re the first to go! Truly.

Friends, I saw this today and could not stop laughing. I know it’s not about BF but it is certainly one reason why parents come to Fluwiki. It’s called appropriately enough “Laughing Babies”. You wiil lose 3 pounds from laughing so hard.

Please don’t flame me because it’s not about BF- I warned you ahead of time!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_ARBWKpfA4&NR

The New Supermarket

Announcing new sites and smells in the produce department…

The new supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.

Folks are just getting waaayyyy too serious around here! Enjoy.

A chicken walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich.

The bartender looks at him and says, “But you’re a chicken.”

“I see your eyes are working,” replies the chicken.

“And you talk!” exclaims the bartender.

“I see your ears are working,” says the chicken, “Now can I have my beer and my sandwich, please?”

“Certainly,” says the bartender, “sorry about that, it’s just we don’t get many chickens in this pub. What are you doing round this way?”

“I’m working on the building site across the road,” explains the chicken.

So the chicken drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, pays and leaves. This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the bartender tells him about the incredible talking chicken.

“Marvelous!” says the ringleader, “get him to come see me.”

So the next day, the chicken comes into the pub. The bartender says, “Hey, Mr Chicken, I lined you up with a top job paying really good money!”

“Yeah?” says the chicken, “Sounds great, where is it?”

“At the circus” says the bartender.

“The circus?” the chicken enquires.

“That’s right,” replies the bartender.

“The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle?” asks the chicken.

“That’s right!” says the bartender.

The chicken looks confused and asks: “What the hell do they want with a plasterer?”

Sahara - LOL. Will be e-mailing this to several hundred people.

Flu Vaccine in Development’

On the web here

I know this is not directly about Bird Flu, but it does speak to the fact that some of us preppers are more seasoned, perhaps wiser, okay we’re just older. I took this quiz and my score was a 22. How many do you remember?

Head lights dimmer switches on the floor Ignition switches on the dashboard. Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall. Real ice boxes. Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards. Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner. Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Older Than Dirt Quiz: Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about-Ratings at the bottom.

1. Blackjack chewing gum 2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water 3. Candy cigarettes 4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles 5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes 6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers 7.. Party lines 8. Newsreels before the movie 9. P.F. Flyers 10. Butch wax 11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (OLive−6933) 12. Peashooters 13. Howdy Doody 14. 45 RPM records 15. S&H Green Stamps 16 Hi-fi’s 17 Metal ice trays with lever 18 . Mimeograph paper 19 Blue flashbulb 20. Packards 21. Roller skate keys 22. Cork popguns 23. Drive-ins 24. Studebakers 25. Washing machines with wringers; and washtubs for rinsing

If you remembered 0–5 = You’re still young If you remembered 6–10 = You are getting older If you remembered 11–15 = Don’t tell your age, If you remembered 16–25 = You’re older than dirt!

I might be older than dirt but those memories are the best part of my life.

Don’t forget to pass this along!! Especially to all your really OLD friends….

History Lover – at 12:19 How many do you remember?

24 out of 25. I know about Packards but, to the best of my recollection, did not ride in one. Earliest phone number I remember = GEneva 7–0211. It was on a 3-party line.

Be Sure to Give Your Bird Flu Armor a Trial Run Sooner or Later, the Pandemic Will Arrive

Unlike most, I’m taking the likelihood of a bird flu pandemic seriously. So I ordered a complete set of bird flu armor — mask, goggles, gloves, disinfectant cloths and hand wipes.

It was Christmas in June when the gear arrived in a plain brown box with no return address that might target me for ridicule from the UPS driver or my neighbors.

A test seemed imperative, so within minutes I had donned the NIOSH N312 Particulate Respirator with Hood and Filtration Backpack, the Non-Allergenic Nitrile Extreme Examination Gloves, a pair of Latex-Free, Shatter-Proof and Bullet-Resistant Goggles and the Sanitary Hypo-Allergenic OSHA Foam Ear Plugs.

I tucked some Hospital Grade Extreme Emergency Germicidal Disinfectant Cloths and some Hospital Grade Extreme Emergency Anti-Microbial Hand Wipes in a pocket, in case someone touched me or sneezed nearby.

Fully protected, I set off on foot for the neighborhood drug store two blocks away to buy a gross of aspirin bottles for my bird flu pandemic quarantine stockpile in the basement.

Something in the NIOSH N312 Particulate Respirator with Hood and Filtration Backpack must have set off the metal detectors when I walked in, because a siren went off and a metal grate crashed shut, locking me inside the store. (Drugstores in our town have extra security because they want to keep out armed robbers who might burst in and demand the oxycontin and percocet.)

I sensed a commotion of some sort in the store, but the Latex-Free, Shatter-Proof and Bullet-Resistant Goggles severely restricted both forward and peripheral vision. And the Sanitary Hypo-Allergenic OSHA Foam Ear Plugs really shut out sound. So it was hard to tell what was going on.

I trudged up and down the aisles looking for aspirin bottles, being careful each time I pulled something from the shelves to wipe it with one of the Hospital Grade Extreme Emergency Anti-Microbial Hand Wipes before I held it up close to see if it was aspirin.

Finally, I walked back to the pharmacy area to ask for help, but the pharmacist behind the counter was just a blur and he couldn’t hear my shouts through the NIOSH N312 Particulate Respirator with Hood and Filtration Backpack. Squinching my eyes up real tight, I could just make him out behind the counter, waving something at me.

Just as it was dawning on me that it was an assault rifle the pharmacist held, the cops tackled me and we all crashed to the floor. Once they had me cuffed and I sat up, they ripped off all the bird flu armor. All of this was accompanied by lots of shouting.

To make a long story short, they didn’t take me to jail or issue a citation. The pharmacist provided a large plastic bag and I stuffed all the bird flu armor — somewhat worse for the wear — in it.

Outside, the crowd of onlookers was hushed as I emerged from the store with my police escort. They were even nice enough to drive me home.

I think equipping yourself with bird flu armor is a very good idea, because there’s no doubt in my mind that the pandemic is coming, sooner or later. But be sure to field test the armor before actual use, like I did, just so you can work out any bugs.

Bill Stockton’s Satirical Headlines

At last!! A Red Wine Flu Killer joke!!!

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little ant-sized bottles of ???)

(Probably the government paid for this research)

History Lover, that is a “charming” (not!) little test you have there. Charming. It broughtbackfond memories of PF Flyers. I begged and begged and begged my parents for a pair. Not that I wanted the shoes, but I was just young enough to be convinced that I could fly in them just like the commercials promised.

I spent a ridiculous amount of time, running down the street at full speed and leaping high into the air, convinced that I would take off at that moment. I think my parents did not think that I truly believed I could fly, but I knew if I ran hard enough and jumped high enough I would. Daddy finally had to make me come into the house to tell me the sad news that P.F.flyer tennis shoes did not have the magic ability to make you fly.

I cried all day and it RUINED my summer. lol! It is so hard to be a kid sometimes.

(knocking the older-than-dirt off my shoulders)

Ange D. – at 00:14

Thank you SO much for posting that. I had long ago resigned myself to the conclusion that I was the only kid who actually thought those shoes could make you fly. Of course my older sister told me I was stupid from the start, but she was always telling me that. Boy, I was REALLY going to show her once I finally lifted off!

Ange D - I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. You have a knack for anecdotal narrative. It sounds as if you and Hillbilly Bill managed to overcome your childhood traumas. I’m still dealing with the fact that one Christmas I received a scooter instead of “cool” skates. (Sigh).

Dennis in Colorado - My aunt owned a beautiful old Packard that she shuttled us around in all the time. Even then (I think was the 18th or 19th century), it was considered an antique.

History Lover-you are too kind and have omitted the fact that anecdotal narrative is synonymous with “runs at the mouth”. ;-) I usually speak and write in the manner in which my brain thinks. Makes my husband a bit nutty at times. Especially when he realizes that he comprehends the “girls of Babylon . . .how they babble on” state of communication I perpetually live in. ;-)

Hillbilly Bill-do you think that Eccles could provide solar/battery back-up for P F Flyers and we could outrun that bird flu? It’s certainly worth a try! BTW, whenever I see your name I am reminded of that wonderful children’s song “The Awful Hilly Daddy Willy Trip” (I think that’s the correct name at this late hour) Or was it “The Awful Daddy Hilly Willy Trip”? lol! can’t remember! PS I am glad to meet a fellow P F Flyer Trauma Victim. Surely, there is a club out there for us somewhere? (I hope the “P. F” doesn’t stand for . . . .”pandemic flu”) ;-)

Ange D – at 23:26

I really think there should have been a support group for us disillusioned P.F. Flyers wearers. I’m sure in today’s world there would have been several!

I don’t know he song you are refering to, but it sure sounds like a tough one to sing.

In my early school years, I was convinced I was flying when I wore my PF Flyers to and from school. Of course, mine were special…They were the high-top black and white Flyers, and when I’d run through the field on the way home, I absolutely was flying. And that was before recreational pharmaceuticals came along…

Hillbilly Bill - I feel really left out. Not only did I never own a pair of P.F. Flyers, but you folks are going to have your own Support Group. Now I need counselling for both the skates and the lack of a support group. Think I’ll add some therapy books to my preps.

I have finally found a picture that the mods can use when our lovely swan picture must be switched-ie when TSHTF…

http://tinyurl.com/ewv5d

hahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

I may buy one for…such a time as needed

From the Royal Canadian Air Farce

For anyone that owns a dog or ever had one..this is too funny……

Jasper and The Uncooked Yeast Rolls > We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you, who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child whom you know nothing about and committing to doing your best to be a good parent. > Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me. Lest you think this is a bad case of ‘no discipline’, I should tell you that Charlie and I tried every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several! nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress. > Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family and a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time. I was however assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment. > I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wednesday evening to reheat on Thursday morning. Since the kitchen was freshly painted you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams latex paint #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for 5 hours. After 3 hours, Perry and I decided to go out! to eat, returning in about an hour. > An hour later the rolls were ready to go in the oven. It was 8:30pm . When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated. > I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK, however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night. God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night. > Naively thinking the dog would be all better by morning was very stupid on my part. We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dogs out to relieve themselves. Well, the damn dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and most of the time when he was walking his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the floor or headed 90 degrees in another direction. He couldn’t lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn’t stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence. His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk. He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours! and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol. > Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Charlie and I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister’s house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day. My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Charlie and I, we took off. > Now I know you probably don’t believe that dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that’s not the worst of it. Now he was beginning to f *rt and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to Karee’s, thankful she didn’t live any further away than she did. > Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister’s garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunk dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper’s latest endeavor to walk without running into something. > Of course, as the old adage goes, “what goes in must come out” and Jasper was no exception. Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog’s digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karee’s house. Having discovered his “packages” on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor. This was another naive decision on our part. > The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure. We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor And as if this wasn’t degrading enough, the damn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too. > Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at Perry’s sister’s house. I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door. It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea. > Now, I’m doing research on the computer as to *How to clean unbaked dough from the Carpet*. … And how was your Day?

Excellant story. Got more than a few laughts from me. Poor dog. And poor you. I bet you could set out those yeast rolls again, and he wouldn’t touch them. thanks for the laught.

Oh wasn’t my dog, this story was emailed to me today, and sorry about the formating!

that’s alright. Still excellant story. Keep’em coming.

I am sure this web site
http://www.birdfluinvestment.com/stocks/?ovmtc=content
is not intended to be humorous … but it reads like a script for a 2nd-rate infomercial on late-night TV.

Warning: Bird Flu Will Trigger 40+% Losses in Stock Market Almost Overnight… While You Will See Triple-Digit Gains!
To protect your investments, you must buy the right stocks now. Why suffer deep losses and financial turmoil, when you can enjoy financial prosperity?”
When you order in the next 5 minutes you will learn… (long list follows)

I apologize if the author of the web site is a member of the wiki forum; I don’t mean to ridicule your efforts … but if you are here, I thank you for 10 minutes of entertainment.

“SNL” make your own flu shot. 2 min clip its pretty good.

http://tinyurl.com/yac8po

A new vice president has just become employed by a large corporation. He is assigned to a desk quickly vacated by his predecessor. Inside the desk is a large note attached to 3 envelopes labeled 1, 2, and 3. The note says “Do not open envelopes until crisis or emergency”. The VP laughs and pushes the envelopes aside. A few months later there is a crisis in the company and people are yelling and blaming the new VP for the problem. Just before the big meeting, the VP remembers the envelopes. He opens the first envelope and it says, “Blame your predecessor.” He does and the corporation accepts that and goes about its business. A few months later there is a terrible stir with name calling and back stabbing. Again, before the big meeting, the VP remembers the envelopes. He opens the second envelope and it says, “Blame the administration.” He does and the corporation seems to accept this and goes about its business. The VP is feeling pretty smug about the advice in the envelopes and is not worried when soon there comes the worst event, talk of layoffs and firings and downsizing. Before the big meeting, the VP calmly opens the envelope for its words of wisdom. He nearly faints when he reads, “Prepare 3 envelopes for your successor.”

Youtube strikes again…..funny…..in a very sick sort of way. The men in my family thought I was getting a little to deep in the BF area, so thought they would “lighten” things up and left on my computer this morning. http://tinyurl.com/yg96oo

No Name “Hey, I learned something…fire starter out of dryer lint…brilliant!!! “

www.savethelint.com

bomb!